Sunday, October 3, 2010


There's an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond that I've been thinking of lately (yes, I like sit-coms, can't help myself, won't apologize for it). In this episode, Ray's brother Robert comes over to Ray and Debra's house, sees a suitcase sitting in the stairwell between the living room and bedrooms, and asks if he can borrow it for a trip (not relevant, but it's his honeymoon). Ray informs Robert that the suitcase is actually the subject of a silent fight he has been having with Debra for 2 weeks. The two of them came back from a trip, and the suitcase has been sitting there in the stairwell because neither one of them wants to be the one to carry it upstairs. They don't talk about it, they just tacitly ignore the suitcase in silent battle of wills, walking past it every day. Of course, since it's a half hour comedy show, Ray's family gets involved, humor ensues, and things are eventually resolved.

Instead of a suitcase, this is our (M. and me) battle of wills:

Not sure what I mean? That's just a tube of toothpaste, eh? Maybe this angle will explain a bit better:

M. and I battle every few months over who finally gives in and opens a new tube of toothpaste. We both painstakingly work toothpaste up from the bottom of the old tube, squeeze until our thumbs protest, and do our best to eek out one more brushing's worth of toothpaste. Just so the other person has to be the one to give in, cry uncle, and open a new tube. It's absolutely ridiculous. He knows it, I know it. And yet this weird sense of competition takes over every time the toothpaste tube starts looking a little thin.

It's funny, when we first started doing this (God knows how many years ago), neither one of us talked about it. I remember thinking "Does HE know this is a competition? Or is he completely ignorant of what is going on here?" And weirdly enough (in what I can only assume is some proof that the two of us were meant for each other), he DID know, and he WAS competing.

Usually, as the one with stronger thumbs, M. is "the winner." I've managed to come out on top a few times, but he likely has the better record (we don't really "keep track").

Strange, I know. What can I say, marriage is a mysterious institution at times. But at least we get our money's worth out of each tube of toothpaste!

How about you? Any strange, recurring "fights" that you have with your significant other that you think no one else can probably appreciate or share?


  1. Looking at your photos, I *may* have a way for you to win this contest. But I don't want to disclose the strategy in a public forum. Interested? Email or facebook me.

  2. I just want to know who puts the new roll of toilet paper on? :)