A First and a Last

Friday marked Finn's very last day of daycare. I didn't get choked up the way I thought I might - perhaps because I'll still be coming back every day to bring Lucy. And Finn - well, all he could think about was how excited he is to start Kindergarten - I had to prompt him several times to "SAY GOODBYE" and "LOOK, THESE PEOPLE HAVE CARED FOR YOU FOR THREE+ YEARS, COULD YOU PLEASE JUST GIVE SOMEONE A HUG?!" But I wasn't really upset - his excitement for Monday is gratifying, especially when I saw one little girl start sobbing at the prospect of lining up in front of the classroom door to go inside the school during Friday's Open House. Even though her mom was RIGHT THERE, and had no intention of leaving. I think several kids are going to have a tough Monday, but I'm pretty confident that my little guy is going to bound right into the school. It helps that Finn's teacher is one of the two that ran his earlier JumpStart program, so he already knows her pretty well. Also, his favorite little friend from JumpStart has been placed in the same class, so he already has at least one friend.

I do think that once Finn truly realizes that he won't be seeing the handful of really good daycare friends he's made over the years every day, he will get a little sad. But that aspect of Kindergarten hasn't really sunk in yet.

How about a little "before and after?" Not the hardwood floor photos I owe you (I have them! They will be posted!), but photos of Finn:

On his very first day of daycare, December 18, 2006:

And here he is on his very last day of daycare, August 24, 2012:

 

 

 

I will restrain myself from gushing about those eyes! Those cute cheeks! Can you believe that little teeny baby grew into this energetic, fun, funny, smart boy?!? Of course, that's what's SUPPOSED to happen, I KNOW that. Well done, nature. You've done a great job so far with this whole "growing up" thing.

 

So those pictures mark a "first" and "last" for Finn (and you can bet that the traditional "first day of school" photo will be shared here, too, once it has been captured). Now here is a photo of a "first" for Lucy:

 

Her first dance class!:

 

 

 

 

Sorry for the not-so-great pictures - Lucy was NOT in the mood to pose prior to heading out to her lesson. And I couldn't get any photos of her during class, as parents aren't allowed in the studio - we all sit out in the lobby and watch what is going on in the studio via a video monitor.

 

Lucy's class covers both ballet and tap. Is it ridiculous to buy tap shoes for a three-year-old? Maybe. But my heart is not-so-secretly thrilled that Lu is developing a love of dance - I took lessons for about 10 years LONG, long ago, and have fond memories of jetes and changemonts and pirouettes and shuffle-ball-changes... (and I'm sure I just spelled most of that wrong). Anyway, you get the picture. I think she looks adorable, and I am glad that we finally have a chance to concentrate on doing something that LUCY wants to do. Usually she just gets signed up for whatever activity Finn wants to do or, even worse, she just schleps around with us and watches Finn do an activity on his own.

 

You can get a sense in some of those pictures of how the hardwood floors turned out, but I will be back with a proper before and after post once we are done with Phase II of the project (did I mention there is a Phase II?), in which new tile is being installed on the kitchen floor. Which SHOULD be this week (I fervently hope, as currently my pantry is spread out over several chairs in the dining room, which doesn't exactly facilitate quick meal preparation. Not to mention the thick layer of dust coating all surfaces everywhere).

 

But first, I need to get myself to bed so I can be well rested for the parental heartbreak I am about to experience tomorrow. KINDERGARTEN - THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE, RIGHT?





Trying to Leave out the Melodrama

Today is Finn's last day at his daycare, the place that has been caring for him since December 18, 2006. He was 8 weeks, 3 days old when I first dropped him off. Here is a picture taken that day:



There were surprisingly few tears that day on my part, I should note. I'm not good at public displays of emotion, and I was a little too anxious about pulling off the whole "work professional/mom/try to see my baby as much as possible" balance thing to worry much about tears. I arrived at work with mascara relatively intact.

We've been very happy with Finn's school about 95% of the time. The expectation that any childcare is absolutely perfect for your child is unrealistic, so I think we've been pretty darn lucky. And so I fear there may be significantly more tears from me today (the raging pregnancy hormones pretty much guarantee it). After all, what are the odds that we'll be just as lucky a second time?

This also means an end to my commute with Finn. I'll be making the 30 minute drive each way by myself from now on, as the new daycare is near home. No more constant chattering that identifies EVERY type of vehicle we pass, or demands that no, we're not driving, we're RACING! Oh, I shudder for the day he learns to drive, drat that movie Cars.

I have lots of good memories of our drives - Finn babbling and singing away as a baby; concentrating so hard on his car seat toy that he fell asleep with an arm in the air, reaching for it; more recently calling out "Mommy, I love you" from the backseat over and over again. Lots of bad memories, too, of course, like all the times I frantically reached back to feel for his pacifier and shove it in his mouth; the debates on whether I should just pull off the highway and breastfeed him because oh my God, THE SCREAMING, it was heart-rending; the endless rounds of Raffi on the radio.

It means an hour less time with Finn each day, which has become more like quality time and less like torture (for both of us) with each month he's gotten older. So, needless to say, I have mixed emotions.

And then there is the issue of the new school. Will Finn like it? Will he like his teachers? Will he make new friends? Will he feel comfortable and accepted? I know the answer to all those questions, at this age, is yes of course, but I also know that it will take some time. And my heart aches a bit for the confusion that Finn's going to feel over the next couple of weeks.

As we pulled off the highway today, REM's "It's the End of the World As We Know It" came on the radio. And I'm so not that melodramatic, I promise. This isn't college where one tends to imagine every depressing song was written truly, deeply about your own sad state of affairs, and songs have such MEANING. But I couldn't help thinking that Finn might think, just a little bit, come Monday, that his world is ending. At the very least, changing to something rather unrecognizable. It twisted that knife made of Mommy guilt, just a little bit.

So if you have a nice, warm, fuzzy story about how your young child changed schools/daycares/nannies and quickly adjusted, please share. It will cheer me up.

On an entirely different note, I set up a little online baby pool for friends and family to guess when Finn's brother or sister is going to be born, as well as the other pertinent stats (gender, weight, length, etc). Check out the ExpectNet.com box on the righthand sidebar for a link, and place your own guess if you'd like. While there will be no cash winnings for the closest guess, I can at least guarantee bragging rights and an announcement of the winner on this blog. So, at least to the 8 or so people that read this, you will be famous!

Flashback Friday

For a lack of anything more significant to post about, I thought I would delve into some of the old pictures I have of Finn on my computer for a little walk down memory lane. These pictures are all from December 2006, when Finn was just 2 months old. Oh, he was so tiny! And hairy! :-)

Here he is on his very first day at daycare - my first day back to work. December 18, 2006. Just shy of 2 months old - yikes! What was I thinking? This next time around I'm taking my full 3 months, regardless of the money situation. Anyway, it all worked out well, as my cutey was doted on by his providers from day 1:



We flew up to Grammy and Bumpa's (my parents) house for a lightening fast Christmas trip so that I wouldn't miss any work (no vacation time left in the bank when you've been on maternity leave for a couple of months). Here I am trying out the sling I had bought to help us get through the airport. It worked great! Later, though, it put too much pressure on Finn's reflux-ridden tummy so we didn't use it as often as I wanted to:



Christmas morning, opening stockings with Auntie Stacey:



Hanging out with Bumpa:



Finn and Grammy enjoying some play time with a new toy:



Cozy on Mimi's (great-grandmother) lap on Christmas Eve:



This year we are headed back up to Massachusetts to spend Christmas with my family - last year we were in Wisconsin with M.'s family. We are driving this time (we'll be trying out the new portable DVD player we got for Finn, hoping it's a sanity saver!), and spending more than 2 nights so hopefully it will be a bit more relaxing. Time to go write up a lengthy packing list!

Almost Halfway There

M. and I went in on Monday for "The Big Ultrasound." I think people always refer to it that way because that's when the gender mystery is often revealed, like that's the whole purpose for the scan. I must say, in anticipating the appointment, it definitely felt less big to me than the one I had with Finn, since I knew we would be leaving the office not knowing whether Baby #2 is a boy or a girl. Still, lots of important stuff happens at "The Big Ultrasound," none of it centered on what's between the legs.

For the most part, all went well. I feel compelled to qualify since the technician did find an echogenic focus on the baby's heart. It's soooooo not something to worry about, apparently (then just don't tell me!), but it is considered one of the 6 "soft markers" for Down's Syndrome. It happens in a small percentage of all normal pregnancies, and when no other risk factors are present, no further monitoring or testing is encouraged. We fall into that category - the baby was otherwise perfectly healthy looking. Still, the doom-and-gloom scenarioist that lurks inside me can't just proclaim "Everything was perfect!" when asked about the ultrasound (even though everything else, truly, was perfect). Add to that my own heart issues (still having palpitations, every day, I have a follow up visit with the cardiologist next week and I'm hoping to get some answers) and the fact that I was THAT PARENT who received a phone call from daycare (a mere 2 hours after the ultrasound) telling me that my sweet little boy had BITTEN one of his friends... well, saying that the day was draining would be an understatement.

BUT, when I am not a physical and emotional zombie, I completely ignore any mention of heart issues and have been getting quite excited about this baby. It helps that I have been feeling all kinds of movement below the belly button. I didn't mind being pregnant with Finn, but pregnancy has been a lot harder this time around, and feeling those little kicks and punches is really, really rewarding. We are starting to get a move on preparing for this baby, and I think it's helping M. get excited, too. Last weekend we picked up a second-hand changing table for the new nursery, which M. managed to assemble pretty darn fast despite not having the manual/instructions, and despite lots of offers of "Daddy, I help you" from a screwdriver-wielding Finn. This weekend, we are going to see about securing a second-hand double stroller (Craig's List has been great for this stuff). It all makes me want to jump right in and start washing little clothes and organizing and reorganizing the nursery (my only form of nesting, apparently, as Finn's room was the only spotless one in our apartment as we counted down the days to his arrival 2 years ago). But, I'm pacing myself, since Good God, do I really still have 20+ WEEKS to go!?!?! It already seems like I've been pregnant forever - I've been pregnant since the summer (found out about baby in August), through entire fall, and now winter. It's hard to believe I have to make it all the way to mid-Spring.

Anyway, back to that ultrasound. The baby measured at around 10 ounces (no idea if that is big or small for it's age, but the doctor seemed happy). At the end of the scan, the doctor turned the screen away from us so that he could take a look at the gender. I keep thinking how weird it is - someone knows this fairly important bit of information about our baby, but we don't. However, I'm not waivering in my resolve, I'm still excited to have this surprise as a carrot to hold out to get me through what I'm sure will be a long labor. I have sneaking suspicions that it's a boy. MAYBE I saw something boy-like when the technician was checking out the umbilical cord entry into the belly?? AND there's a slightly higher incidence of echogenic foci in boys than girls (yes, I read some scientific journal articles online about this - couldn't help it, my geekiness kicked in). But we won't know for sure until April, and I plan on leaving it that way.

For your viewing pleasure, some profile pictures of the baby, who looked like he/she was trying to cram as much of both hands into his/her mouth as possible:

The Sequel

Ack, I've thought about writing this post for the last, oh, eight and a half weeks, and still, I'm not sure what to say. I wanted drama, excitement, humor, eloquence... but I set my expectations too high, and when the right words didn't come to me, I just said nothing at all. Or maybe it's that I got slightly superstitious, and just didn't want to risk something happening BECAUSE I spilled the beans too early. I mean, OK, if it wasn't meant to be for some reasonable, scientific reason, then I could maybe just dust myself off and try again. But what IF, the mere act of sharing the information (which, really, I am about to share, I swear) far too early, MADE something bad happen? Stupid, I know - a thought not worthy of someone who spent over 20 years in school - but a thought that crossed my mind nonetheless.

So I waited, even though I had every intention of blogging about it all, from the very first day, even any potential bad stuff. Though, of course, to several of you, this is old news (funny how you tell one or two people and suddenly everyone knows, hmm?). To stop this rambling, bring the rest of you up to speed, and just effing get on with it, a pictorial explanation:

12 weeks and 3 days as of today. Estimated due date is April 25, 2009. April is a wonderful month to have a baby, right, Mom? Given my track record (Finn was born 8 days late), we may be having a May baby, but I'm holding out hope for April.

According to the newsletter I received a couple of days ago, this little one is about the size of a lime right now, up a few centimeters from the fig-sized mass it was last week (Side note: Why do they always use produce? Why not say the baby is the size, for example, of a badminton birdie? A shuttlecock, if you will?). As of today I can confirm that it has two arms (you can see one in the picture on the left), two legs, two scary alien-baby eye sockets, a spine, a bladder, a stomach, very low odds for having Trisomies 18 or 21, and a wonderful beating heart. 158 bpm - a little lower than Finn's heart rate at this age, if I remember correctly, but I'm not going to read anything into that. Nor the fact that I've been feeling much worse with this pregnancy (the indigestion! the nausea! the general blech-iness!) than I did with Finn. Our family makes boys, so I'm assuming that's what this one is. Confirmation will not be forthcoming until the birth, however - we are holding out for a surprise on this one.

We are excited, and introducing the concept to Finn. He has heard the heartbeat (thank you, Donna, for the use of your Doppler!) and has a vague idea that there is either a baby or a bulldozer inside my belly (the confusion is my fault, but I think it's cute so we may string him along a little longer). We bought him The Berenstain Bear's New Baby (both to introduce him to the idea of a sibling AND the idea of a new bed, which he will need in the next few months), and we read it occasionally. Finn will be two and a half when this baby is born, an age difference I am hoping is perfect (is there such a thing?). Close enough together to be friends, far enough apart where I won't have TWO babies at once. Though that thought saddens me, as Finn will always be my baby, right?

So, there, it's done with, I managed to actually write a blog post about this. Hopefully the rest of them will come more easily.