S.A.S.L.

My afternoon was long and painful and traffic-filled, and my pants are tight. And also maybe currently pulled up over my belly button to alleviate the yucky tight feeling. MAYBE.

Despite all that, and my eyes that are crying for sleep (perhaps because I stayed up until midnight last night, or perhaps because I am currently "watching" the home run derby), I am compelled depart from photo posts and parenting rants to rant about something else entirely. I bring you...

Stupid Ass Song Lyrics

(also known as "Time To Hire A New Song Writer" or "Have We Really Already Written All The Good Songs?")

First up: Maroon 5's Never Gonna Leave This Bed.

Oh, all right, I'll link to a video of the song.



There.

Now, let me just clarify that the tune itself is actually kind of catchy. I don't have a problem with the MUSIC, per se. I have a problem with the lyrics. In particular, with one part of the chorus. Because, as I may have mentioned, it is stupid. To break it down for you, the offending text is thus:

"Wake you up in the middle of the night to say,
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed"

First, boyfriend CLEARLY doesn't know how precious sleep is. Has he ever raised a toddler? Waking me up in the middle of the night to talk to me? Oh, I don't think so. Save it for the morning.

Second, he will "never walk away again". So... he's walked out before? That's so... cool? And catchy? Um, no. Thanks for the reassurances that it won't happen again, but I'd be taking my chances out on my own, not giving this guy who WON'T LET ME SLEEP another chance.

And finally, the ultimate message. He's never going to get out the damn bed. Do I even need to point out all the WRONGNESS of that? He's going to be in bed, expecting God knows what, but it sure as hell isn't sleeping. ALL THE TIME.

If you want to wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me that you just started a load of darks in the washer, then we can talk. But if you're going to wake me up to tell me that you're never leaving our bed? You'll be leaving it pretty damn quick.

Next Questionable Song: California King Bed by Rihanna



Let's again examine the chorus:

"In this California king bed"
- Is she really singing about... a bed?

"We're ten thousand miles apart"
- A really big bed?

"I've been California wishing on these stars"
- What exactly is "California wishing"? When did we decided California was an adjective? And is this somehow related to California dreamin'? Maybe California wishing should focus a bit more on balancing the state budget than Rihanna's heart. Just a suggestion.

"For your heart for me"
- Um, unless we're talking sentence structure, nothing snarky to say here.

"My California king"
- Did she write this to Arnold Schwarzenegger? Or maybe the King is more literal than figurative, like Larry King? He must have a house in California. Maybe she's singing to him.

Just two songs that have been driving me crazy lately. What about you - are you a person that strives to learn the actual words of songs that you hear on the radio? Any song lyrics that drive you nuts?

I can't write a real post because I forgot my camera this weekend

so I have no new pictures of my adorable nieces and nephew whom I visited on Friday and Saturday. Plus my sister plied me with too much wine, so I think I lost some brain cells. Instead I give you these questionable musings:

Why do stores place items for sale in displays that you don't come upon until after checking out? Grocery stores are prime offenders, but a few other retailers also employ similarly strange tactics (ahem, Old Navy). Are you expected to spy an item after paying, realize that it is something you can't live without, and then re-enter a checkout line in order to purchase it? Ooh, sparkly lip gloss and a huge bag of popcorn with butter flavoring, damn it, back in line for me!

I feel similarly bewildered regarding protocol for any non-traditional items that can be purchased at the grocery store, particularly those that are placed outside at the front of the store. Propane gas tanks, bags of mulch, large plants, bundles of firewood, even sets of patio furniture complete with umbrella. As far as I am aware, people don't contemplate buying a garden bench and then think, "Ah, yes, let me just head over to the grocery store for that." So I can only assume that the grocery stores are just hoping you will come in for the usual food-type things they are KNOWN for, and then succumb to impulse purchases for all those random other things you can find there. So, please, educate me - are you supposed to grab those things on the way IN, and then make your way around the grocery store for the food items you likely came to buy in the first place? You can't really wait until the end to go outside and grab the Adirondack chairs, because by then you have a cart of food items that can't legally be removed from the store if they haven't been paid for yet. But lugging large items around in the store will take up most or all of the room in your cart, making grocery shopping less than easy. Are you supposed to just check out twice, once for the strange/large stuff, and once for the food?

I advocate for separation of shopping, which will solve this confusion and maybe bring world peace. Food in the food stores, plants and patio furniture at Home Depot. And never the 'twain shall meet.