A Holiday Review and a Look Toward 2009

2009 began quite early for us. 5:38 am, to be exact. Someone decided that, since he couldn't immediately find his pacifier when he first stirred, he was done sleeping for the day. Ugh. I have a feeling the damn paci is not long for this world.

That auspicious start to the day was followed by several whining fits. By the same paci-addict, of course, not M. or myself. I blame the 2-year-old molars that are definitely working their way to the surface of Finn's gums.

We spent an hour or so in the morning of New Year's Day checking out new daycares (from the outside only, of course, as none were open). The largest, most anxiety-ridden item on my big "Before The Baby Comes" To Do list is finding a daycare. Yes, we already have one that we like, a lot. But it's near my work, which would involve about 2 and a half hours of driving each day if I were to make 2 round trips to take Finn there and pick him up during my maternity leave. That's just not going to happen. So, we are looking for a new daycare closer to home. Possibly only for the 3 months of my maternity leave, but we are leaving ourselves open to the idea that we may keep Finn there permanently and have the baby go, too.

I've been putting off the daycare search because the mere thought of it riddles me with all kinds of guilt and other negative emotions. I hate the thought of disrupting Finn's life and schedule by moving him away from his friends and teachers to a brand new environment. Right at a time when his entire world is going to be turned upside down by the addition of a sibling. And, if we aren't completely satisfied with the new daycare, or we can't get a spot for the baby when the time comes, we will move Finn back to his old daycare when I go back to work. Two transitions in a 3-4 month period, possibly. Oh, the guilt. And even if it's only one transition (meaning we get a spot for the baby and switch to the new daycare permanently), I feel guilt. I LOVED going to visit Finn every day during my lunch hour, I did it for over a year. I knew every baby and teacher in the infant room intimately, and Finn and I had a lot of quality bonding time. Putting the new baby in a daycare near our home would mean I can't do the same thing this time around. And that doesn't even address the guilt I feel over my need to send Finn to daycare during my maternity leave. Why am I spending the money (especially when part of my leave will be unpaid) and uprooting my child when I could just keep him home with me? Stay at home moms do this kind of thing all the time - adjust to life with a newborn AND take care of a toddler or two, all day, every day. But I know myself. I had a hard enough time keeping my sanity during my maternity leave with Finn. I REALLY think that it would not be fair to Finn or the baby (or me) if I have them both home with me during my leave. So, yeah, did I mention I feel guilty? Maybe I was Catholic in another life?

Thankfully, we were able to cross several daycares off our list just by viewing them from the outside (our main goal yesterday, as I have no desire to tour all of the 13 or so options I had on my original list), and we have at least a few good places to pursue. Our drive yesterday morning gave me renewed energy and hope to tackle this big task.

Yikes, so I'm re-reading what I've written so far, and I realize it all sounds so negative. I'm actually quite full of good feelings about this year. Finn is going to make a wonderful big brother, we will find a great solution for childcare for both kids, we have lots of fun things to do to get ready for Baby M (seriously, have I mentioned how much I love folding and organizing baby clothes? Because I do. And I love that I have an excuse to do it all again.), my job may bring new opportunities for me later this year, and we have a huge surprise coming in April. Sunshine and roses here, people, REALLY.

In other news, I somehow became hugely pregnant. According to my OB appointment today, I am measuring right on track at 24 weeks. But seriously, my belly is going to need its own zip code soon. It now officially sticks out farther than my chest. With 16 weeks to go, I'm a bit worried about just how big it will get. But aside from that, I feel good, the baby is super active, and I'm loving this part of the pregnancy.

I'll end with a few pictures from the holidays. We took tons, but many just didn't come out very well. I'm contemplating looking in to a new camera soon, because I think we are not realizing the potential of some very good photo opportunities with our rinky-dink Olympia. Sorry for any blurriness or red eye below!

Testing out snow for the first time this year, not so sure how we feel about it:


Digging a sled ride from Bumpa after warming up to the snow:


A family picture taken on Christmas Eve:


An adorable picture of Cousin Penny:


The three cousins, Penny, Finn and Ned, in their Christmas finery:


Finn getting ready to hang his stocking by the chimney with care, in his new bathrobe from Grammy:


After the mad rush of opening stocking presents, Finn and M. taking a break:


The "big toy" of Christmas day, Finn's GeoTrax modules from Grammy and Bumpa:


Is there a doctor in the house?:


I cannot stress to you how INTO Frosty Finn has been during this winter season, and during our final day of snow play before heading home, Finn finally got to meet the epic, mystical Snowman (hind end thanks to M., abdomen thanks to Bumpa, and head courtesy of me):


PS - Resolutions, schmesolutions! My typical New Year's resolution is to lose weight, get in shape, etc - all various versions along the same theme of being able to buy smaller clothes, damn it. Now that I am luxuriously pregnant this year, I don't feel the need to torture myself with a resolution. So freeing! I highly recommend ditching resolution-making. Happy New Year to you all, I hope the coming months have many good things in store for you!