"Do you think I'm pretty?"
"Do you think I'm the prettiest?"
"I need to bring this mirror with me so I can look at myself at school."
A littany from Lucy, lately. She drapes herself in accessories and baubles and crazy outfits, steals my chapstick, begs for make-up. And asks us if we think she is pretty.
Have we done wrong by her? Told her she is pretty, or cute, or adorable... too much?
"Well, yes, Lucy, you are pretty. You're also smart, and funny, and wonderful." That's what I usually say. And then I think - but don't say - why are you asking me that? Is that what is important to you? Is that what you think is important to US?
M. ignored the crux of her question one day, and answered back that she is smart.
I want her to know that, I do very much. But I don't want her to think she isn't pretty.
Every girl should think she is pretty. Every girl IS pretty.
So I chimed in and told her she was.
When she asked Finn the other night, he responded by saying "You shouldn't ask me whether your are pretty. The most important thing is whether you think you're pretty." He's pretty smart sometimes, that kid. I thought, maybe that's something he learned at school? At daycare? But he says he knows this because we taught it to him, and we told him that the most important things about someone are on the inside. I guess he listened.
I guess we're doing something right.