Monday, July 11, 2011


My afternoon was long and painful and traffic-filled, and my pants are tight. And also maybe currently pulled up over my belly button to alleviate the yucky tight feeling. MAYBE.

Despite all that, and my eyes that are crying for sleep (perhaps because I stayed up until midnight last night, or perhaps because I am currently "watching" the home run derby), I am compelled depart from photo posts and parenting rants to rant about something else entirely. I bring you...

Stupid Ass Song Lyrics

(also known as "Time To Hire A New Song Writer" or "Have We Really Already Written All The Good Songs?")

First up: Maroon 5's Never Gonna Leave This Bed.

Oh, all right, I'll link to a video of the song.


Now, let me just clarify that the tune itself is actually kind of catchy. I don't have a problem with the MUSIC, per se. I have a problem with the lyrics. In particular, with one part of the chorus. Because, as I may have mentioned, it is stupid. To break it down for you, the offending text is thus:

"Wake you up in the middle of the night to say,
I will never walk away again
I'm never gonna leave this bed"

First, boyfriend CLEARLY doesn't know how precious sleep is. Has he ever raised a toddler? Waking me up in the middle of the night to talk to me? Oh, I don't think so. Save it for the morning.

Second, he will "never walk away again". So... he's walked out before? That's so... cool? And catchy? Um, no. Thanks for the reassurances that it won't happen again, but I'd be taking my chances out on my own, not giving this guy who WON'T LET ME SLEEP another chance.

And finally, the ultimate message. He's never going to get out the damn bed. Do I even need to point out all the WRONGNESS of that? He's going to be in bed, expecting God knows what, but it sure as hell isn't sleeping. ALL THE TIME.

If you want to wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me that you just started a load of darks in the washer, then we can talk. But if you're going to wake me up to tell me that you're never leaving our bed? You'll be leaving it pretty damn quick.

Next Questionable Song: California King Bed by Rihanna

Let's again examine the chorus:

"In this California king bed"
- Is she really singing about... a bed?

"We're ten thousand miles apart"
- A really big bed?

"I've been California wishing on these stars"
- What exactly is "California wishing"? When did we decided California was an adjective? And is this somehow related to California dreamin'? Maybe California wishing should focus a bit more on balancing the state budget than Rihanna's heart. Just a suggestion.

"For your heart for me"
- Um, unless we're talking sentence structure, nothing snarky to say here.

"My California king"
- Did she write this to Arnold Schwarzenegger? Or maybe the King is more literal than figurative, like Larry King? He must have a house in California. Maybe she's singing to him.

Just two songs that have been driving me crazy lately. What about you - are you a person that strives to learn the actual words of songs that you hear on the radio? Any song lyrics that drive you nuts?


  1. HYSTERICAL! I loved the "load of darks". In similar vein is the Lazy Song by Bruno Mars. The guy clearly has no kids since he can "do nothing, nothing at all" all day.

  2. So funny!! When I was younger, my brother and sister used to make fun of me because I always sang the wrong words. I'm not sure why. I think my versions were always better. :)