Sunday, February 20, 2011


Their little bodies seem to fit perfectly with mine, like a physical memory of the time when we shared the same space. I crave this contact - a soft body on my lap, a head on my shoulder, smooth round cheeks pressed against mine. Breathing in the scent of Child: warm hair, shampoo, the fading scent of ketchup from dinner.

I can't seem to stop touching them. I tell myself it's to make sure they know they are loved. But really, it is for me. *I* am the one who needs it.

For now, they tolerate my neediness. Sometimes they even seek me out, bestowing me, unasked, with sqeezy hugs and sloppy kisses. My heart fills, but my craving is never satisfied. Because I know this time is short lived. Soon enough, my lap will not be a space that is fought over, my kisses will be rebuffed, bedtime cuddling will be a thing of the past. It helps ease the inconvenience of Lucy's still-more-frequent-than-we'd-like nighttime wakings - the idea that eventually, she will not find comfort sleeping on me. Even as I sit in her room longing for my own warm bed, I revel in her little body draped on mine, breathing and sleeping and dreaming.

I miss these times already, though they aren't gone yet.

Withdrawal is going to be killer.


  1. It is a killer. . .I still feel the same desires you talk about. . .so, enjoy those moments as long as you can. And by the time, they go away, it won't be long til you're a grandmother! :-). . .love, Mimi

  2. I love the snuggling and the lap time as well. I think I'll get another year of solid lap time out of Cameron. And I absolutely love that she says, "I love you" when I say it to her. It melts my heart every single time!

  3. DS2 loves to give me monster kisses, which is insanely cute! I love it and already miss just cradling an infant! When I read your Mimi's comment, well it made me sad, these feelings don't go away. I am so glad they still let me hug, kiss, rub noses, tickle and just generally pretend we're a pile of newborn kittens together now.